Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Just A Personal Update

I don't have a project to share today, but wanted to let you know why I've been MIA.

I've been really struggling with some physical issues like extreme fatigue, headaches, dizziness, muscle pain and weakness, etc.  It's actually been going on for many months, but I kept making lifestyle changes and hoping it would improve.  Just sort of willing myself to get through the day and do as much as I could.  Taking more vitamins, dietary changes, reducing stress, etc.  I kept picking things to drop off my to do list while still trying to maintain my blog, the family meals, and the majority of the housework.

It's done nothing but get worse.  I quit my volunteer position and rarely leave the house now.  I started seeing a chiropractor and have an appointment with a doctor to start running blood tests and see what else might be causing my pain and fatigue.

I kept thinking it was related to stress, or a dietary issue, or something along those lines, but seeing as it keeps getting worse with my best efforts to relax and take better care of myself it's obviously not that simple to fix.

It's been pretty frustrating for me on an emotional level.  I just feel useless, and as a die hard perfectionist and someone who always pushes myself so hard it's very, very difficult to lay here so much and see the messes go unattended.  I have still been able to teach my kids, although I have had to modify my approach and they go fetch materials most of the time for now.

So, because I am so weak I have actually not even made it downstairs to my craft room very much.  It's hard to sit completely upright, so making things is hard.  I have been dabbling in a few things here or there, and will post when I'm able to.

I appreciate everyone who visits, and I do miss keeping up with what everyone's been up to.  Right now I am not "caught up" on anything from laundry to blog visits.  I'm not able to get my blood work started until June 10th so I may not have any answers for awhile, but I will continue to take it as easy as I can.

I don't post many personal things like this on the blog, but since I bothered to bring this up I will post an update when I get some answers. Honestly, the thought that scares me most is that they won't find anything they can help with and I will just have to keep suffering like this and not be able to keep up with household tasks.  I just want to be able to do "my job" as a housewife and a homeschooling mother and when I can't do it to my personal satisfaction I find it very upsetting.

I will share projects and visit my bloggy friends as I am able to.  I still love crafting as much as ever, but lately resting after school and any chores I'm able to handle is about all I can do.  I used to reward myself with crafting time and projects after school and chores were done, but now that the chores are so behind I'm not getting that time.

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read all this.  I'm feeling pretty alone right now.  My husband has been wonderful, but he has never understood my desire for perfection, my guilt when things aren't perfect, etc.  So, while he has been supportive and helpful I know he doesn't really "get it" in terms of what this feeling of helplessness and uselessness is doing to me.



Angi Barrs said...

Sending hugs your way Amber. I went through the same last fall. I will be sure to email you and tell you about my experience. Hope you are feeling better soon!

cuilliesocks said...

Aw Amber, so sorry to hear you sounding so unwell. It must feel kike ages before you are able to get some tests done, but hang in there and please, please be gentle with yourself, no one can be a perfectionist 100% of the time, cut yourself some slack and concentrate on resting and trying to regain your strength. Perhaps the children could do little bits to help with household chores.
As for hubby, well if he is anything like mine he will be good at the practicle things not so when it comes to emotions, but he will be very worried about you and will be trying his best.

I hope you begin to feel stronger soon, sending you good vibes and HUGS, kate x

Simply quilts by Carol said...

Amber, I understand the feelings of frustration and perfection. I also deal with these on a daily basis. I am bi-polar with manic depression tendencies so when I get overwhelmed I get very sad and discouraged. The one thing that I found that has helped me is prayer. It may not get the chores done, release the pain or get me out of the house, but it does lift my spirits and my attitude. I then realize I can keep going and loving everyone I come into contact with. Know that you are on my mind and I will be praying for you and for relief. Hugs and get better soon.

Lisa said...

Thinking of you and praying for you, Amber. I hope that you feel much, much better and stronger soon.

Hugs, Lisa
A Mermaid's Crafts

Missy said...

So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time Amber!! I completely know what you are talking about as far as being a perfectionist....we need to NOT do that to ourselves. Life is full of enough stress...but I get it!! Hang in there. I'm sure the doctors will have some answers for you. I'll say some prayers that they can figure this out and get you back to yourself quickly!! Take care of yourself!!!

abusybee - DoubleClick Connections said...

So sorry you are going through this Amber. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong and try and stay positive. I'm a good listener if you want to chat. Just email me.
abusybee24 at yahoo dot com

Pat Vail said...

Sending positive thoughts for you. Hope you feel better soon.

Stamping With Bibiana said...

So sorry to hear this and at the same time so hopeless, because I can not help you...I understand very well what you are feeling, men are so different and handle problems in another level...try to keep positive and think all day long about these comments that us "girls" leave you at your blog...even if do not know each other or live close by , we share the same problems and anxieties, you are not alone and yes we listen...if it is of some are in my thoughts

Davanea Forbes said...

Good luck with everything

Davanea Forbes said...

Good luck with everything

scrappinC said...

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Cindy Lou

Patricia St Martin said...

Amber, My friend please remember that you are NOT ALONE!!! I have missed you stopping by my blog so I thought I would stop by and see your wonderful creations and I'm so sorry to read how you have been feeling, remember do not worry about that cards when you are feeling better we will be so happy to have you come back but you need to take care of yourself now and the house work will not run away that can keep also. I hope you can talk to someone maybe you have your standards set to high and you need to learn to let go.
Thinking of you,♥Patricia

VICTORIA said...

Omg Amber I am so sorry to hear your not feeling well :( Hope you find out whats ailing you Hugs Vicky