Just A Personal Update

I don't have a project to share today, but wanted to let you know why I've been MIA.

I've been really struggling with some physical issues like extreme fatigue, headaches, dizziness, muscle pain and weakness, etc.  It's actually been going on for many months, but I kept making lifestyle changes and hoping it would improve.  Just sort of willing myself to get through the day and do as much as I could.  Taking more vitamins, dietary changes, reducing stress, etc.  I kept picking things to drop off my to do list while still trying to maintain my blog, the family meals, and the majority of the housework.

It's done nothing but get worse.  I quit my volunteer position and rarely leave the house now.  I started seeing a chiropractor and have an appointment with a doctor to start running blood tests and see what else might be causing my pain and fatigue.

I kept thinking it was related to stress, or a dietary issue, or something along those lines, but seeing as it keeps getting worse with my best efforts to relax and take better care of myself it's obviously not that simple to fix.

It's been pretty frustrating for me on an emotional level.  I just feel useless, and as a die hard perfectionist and someone who always pushes myself so hard it's very, very difficult to lay here so much and see the messes go unattended.  I have still been able to teach my kids, although I have had to modify my approach and they go fetch materials most of the time for now.

So, because I am so weak I have actually not even made it downstairs to my craft room very much.  It's hard to sit completely upright, so making things is hard.  I have been dabbling in a few things here or there, and will post when I'm able to.

I appreciate everyone who visits, and I do miss keeping up with what everyone's been up to.  Right now I am not "caught up" on anything from laundry to blog visits.  I'm not able to get my blood work started until June 10th so I may not have any answers for awhile, but I will continue to take it as easy as I can.

I don't post many personal things like this on the blog, but since I bothered to bring this up I will post an update when I get some answers. Honestly, the thought that scares me most is that they won't find anything they can help with and I will just have to keep suffering like this and not be able to keep up with household tasks.  I just want to be able to do "my job" as a housewife and a homeschooling mother and when I can't do it to my personal satisfaction I find it very upsetting.

I will share projects and visit my bloggy friends as I am able to.  I still love crafting as much as ever, but lately resting after school and any chores I'm able to handle is about all I can do.  I used to reward myself with crafting time and projects after school and chores were done, but now that the chores are so behind I'm not getting that time.

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read all this.  I'm feeling pretty alone right now.  My husband has been wonderful, but he has never understood my desire for perfection, my guilt when things aren't perfect, etc.  So, while he has been supportive and helpful I know he doesn't really "get it" in terms of what this feeling of helplessness and uselessness is doing to me.

Amber